BORGATA SUCKS

About four years ago I was playing 5-10 no limit hold ‘em at the Borgata Casino in Atlantic City when I found myself in a heads-up preflop all-in with one of the Borgata regulars (a guy who played there every day and was dating one of the cocktail waitresses so that made him about as regular as anyone can be). I turned up pocket aces and he had pocket kings. The board ran out and I won and had him covered but the dealer immediately grabbed chips from both of us and started matching stacks of colors. For some reason we had yellow chips at the table which I believe were $20 chips as well as the standard reds, greens and blacks. I yelled for the dealer to just count the other player’s stack but he didn’t do that and pushed all the chips to me except the yellows (which totaled $600) which he pushed to the other guy. Three Chinese players began to animatedly talk in Chinese as I called for the floor supervisor. As he approached, Kevin who was one of the Chinese players pointed at me and said “they just cheated him out of $600.” I explained the problem and the supervisor said that they would review the surveillance tape. Twenty minutes later he came back to the table and said they could not differentiate colors and the tape was inconclusive. I knew that I had been cheated but what could I do except cash out and avoid going back. (As an addendum, that dealer now deals at the Parx Casino and recently apologized and admitted to me that he had screwed up on that day). I very rarely returned to the Borgata, especially after the Parx Casino opened. But during the past couple of months I have really been in a zone in tournament play (having won a $500 entry WPT regional event for $14,000 and then only days later finishing second in the WPT regional main event cashing for more than $45,000). This being the case I decided to play in the Borgata $500+60+200 double black chip bounty tournament. I was pretty card dead for most of the day but scratched and clawed to the 90k chip mark (average stack about 70k) with about 80 of the original 276 players remaining. We had played from 11 A.M. and now at about 6:15 P.M. we were on our last ten minute break before the dinner break. From the loudspeaker the tournament director informed us that we could not stay in our seats but had to take a ten minute break from the private tournament room. I wandered into the main poker room to say hello to a few acquaintances and returned to the tournament room with about a minute left in the break. As I walked into the room I saw another player IN MY SEAT, HOLDING MY CHIPS as he spoke to the dealer and a floor supervisor. As I approached the table the other player stood up quickly and went to his seat. I angrily asked the floor supervisor why the other player was in my seat playing with my chips and he smiled and responded that the player was hitting on the young female dealer. I told him that this was totally wrong and that the Borgata was responsible for protecting my chips and I wanted to complain. He responded that he would talk to the tournament director and at that very moment play began for the next level. Since blinds and antes were high I had no choice but to sit at my seat and play. I counted my stack and instead of approximately 90,000 in chips I had about 75,000. I was distracted and for about ten minutes looked towards the front desk but saw no action. When the same floor supervisor passed my table again I asked him what was going on and he responded “Oh I will go talk to the tournament director now.” I saw him go to the front desk and speak to the tournament director who then sent a replacement dealer to my table and summoned the young female dealer to the front desk where they spoke. In the meantime I was seriously distracted and lost a great deal of chips in one hand that I would not ordinarily have played. Play continued and nobody approached me to explain anything. After about another 30 minutes and severely shortstacked I played a hand and was knocked out of the tournament. I rushed to the front desk and asked the tournament director why nothing had been done about the egregious situation. Frankly his response stunned me. He said that had I reported the problem to him initially he could have delayed the new round and examined the surveillance tape but now it was too late. I pointed out that I HAD IMMEDIATELY told his floor supervisor who was actually at the table when it happened and it was not my fault if the supervisor delayed notifying him. Another supervisor who was seated at the front table then said “We run the best tournaments in Atlantic City,” as if that would assuage me. I argued that we players were ordered out of the room for a break and it was incumbent upon the Borgata employees to insure the integrity of the game by not allowing players to handle other players chips, and I stated that I believed that some of my chips were missing. But as I had learned once before, the Borgata doesn’t really care about the integrity of the game. In days gone by the Casino Control Commission maintained an office in every casino. Now there is no Casino Control Commission. The other supervisor who was seated at the front table arrogantly told me “If you have a complaint you can go to the Gaming Commission on Tennessee Avenue. But it’s Saturday evening so good luck with that.” I didn’t even know where Tennessee Avenue was (Okay I do know it’s orange and between St. James Place and New York Avenue but that doesn’t really help). This latest Borgata lesson cost me at least $760 and perhaps as much as $37,000 which was the prize for finishing first. There’s an old saying which I will paraphrase. Fool me in a cash game once, shame on you. Fool me in a tournament once shame on you too. But Borgata you will never have the chance to fool me in either again.

World Poker Tour Regional Tournaments

The Parx Casino recently hosted a World Poker Tour regional series of tournaments for which I anticipated playing only in the three day main event (which featured two first days). Players had the option of playing their first day on Sunday or Monday – or both if they got knocked out on Sunday. The tournament would then continue on Tuesday by combining the survivors of the Day1A with those of Day 1B. It would then end on Wednesday. The Friday before this event I was at the Parx playing 2-5 no-limit hold ‘em when a friend approached and suggested I play in a preliminary tournament which had started earlier that morning and for which late signup was permitted. It was a $500 + 50 tournament with a prize pool guarantee of $50,000 and there was a big overlay meaning that the break-even point for the casino was 100 players (500 x 100) but there were only about 46 players signed up. This translates to an edge for the player because he would have 1 chance in 46 to win but would be getting paid roughly double. Any decent poker player knows that if the odds are in your favor you play the hand – or in this case the tournament. My problem was that I thought the tournament was scheduled for two days and we had theatre tickets for Saturday. But my friend assured me that it was a one day tournament and so I quickly cashed out my chips and signed up. Having second thoughts (a little too late of course) as I approached the tournament area I asked one of the supervisors whether it was indeed a one day tournament to which he replied that it had been scheduled for two days but with 40-something players it would surely be finished the same day. What neither of us anticipated was the late rush as other players learned of the overlay and before I knew it there were 89 players, insuring that the tournament would last two days. Okay well maybe I would be lucky and get knocked out the first day and not have to figure out how to tell my wife that I could not go to the theatre. But alas this was not to be. At the end of the first day I was second in chips and we were down to the final two tables. I had to face the music. To her credit my wife’s response was simply “if you win a lot of money then we can replace the tickets.” As an offer of compromise I told her that I would forego playing in the main event since it wouldn’t be fair to play poker for 5 days out of 6. With that issue off my mind I returned the following day determined to cover the cost of the theatre tickets and stay out of the doghouse. If you’ve ever played in tournaments such as these you know the feeling as you glance at the monitor and watch the number of players dwindle. 89 becomes 79 becomes 65 becomes 42 becomes 34. In this case I watched as 14 became 13 became 12 and so forth. I mucked when I could, played when I had to and the field continued to dwindle. As we arrived at the final table one point had been made perfectly clear to me. The young hotshot (former) internet players played in only one speed – hyperfast. The overwhelming chip leader was one such young gun as was the player who was second in chips. Since each knockout represented a higher cash payout to the remaining players I decided to inhabit the sidelines for as long as possible. The girl sitting to my right was obviously using the same strategy, laying down hand after hand as the two chip leaders gambled against the rest of the table and continually won. Then the player who was second in chips took a huge hit as he unwisely challenged the chip leader, sending him to the middle of the pack. And then there were five. Choosing my spots carefully I had actually moved Into second chip position after looking down at pocket 10s and felting a shortstack shove. But as the winds of war changed direction, by the time we reached four players I was the short stack having lost with AK on a board of K8876, keeping my tournament hopes alive by laying my hand down to the girl on my right when she shoved on the river. With only 400k in chips to a chip average of over 700k I resumed my “stay out of the way strategy” and it paid off handsomely when the two young guns squared off in a 2.5 million chip all-in, one felting the other. And then there were three. The internet kid was the chip leader with about 1.3 million, the girl had about 1 million and I had 400k. We played on and while I remained at about the same level the girl slowly took over the chip lead. And then it happened. With the blinds at 20k-40k the internet kid raised to 140k and the girl instantly shoved her chips to the center. I mucked just as quickly and without hesitation the internet kid shouted “I call,” turning up King-Queen offsuit. KING-QUEEN OFFSUIT!!! He called an additional 800k with king-queen offsuit to the tightest player in the game and as she turned up Ace-King my heart skipped a beat. AND THEN THERE WERE TWO! We battled for three solid hours and at one point she was a 3-1 chip leader. Finally, short-stacked I shoved with Q-J offsuit and she instacalled with A-10. When the flop came A-7-7 I stood, extended my hand and said great game. But before we could shake hands the craaaaazy world of poker reared it’s ugly (or beautiful) head and the turn came a king and the river a ten and I was aliiiiiive and with chips. She never recovered and I won a World Poker Tour tournament that I wasn’t even supposed to play in. My wife and I celebrated on Sunday by having dinner at our favorite restaurant – Don Pepe’s in Newark. I had removed all thought of playing in the main event from my mind and we were overloading on sangria and maybe it was the very sangria overload that caused it but suddenly out of nowhere my wife blurted “aren’t there two first days for the main event?” I nodded and she continued “Why don’t you play tomorrow? You’re in a zone.” This was so unlike her that I thought I had better lock up the seat before she changed her mind. “You’re right,” I quickly replied. “I should play while I’m doing well.” And I did. The World Poker Tour main event featured a $1600 buy-in and a $200,000 guaranteed prize pool. Many of the top area (and out of area) pros signed up for the Sunday “first day” (Day 1A) of this reentry tournament and as my wife and I ate dinner they knocked each other out at an astonishing pace. At the end of Day 1A only 29 players remained from a field of 98. I arrived early Monday morning at the Parx and sat down at a 2-5 no limit table to relax before the grind. I know it doesn’t make a lot of sense to people that someone would play poker to relax before a poker tournament but it makes sense to me and that’s all that matters. As the tournament began I noticed that I was listed on the Parx blog among the notables in the field along with Miami John Cernuto, Matt Glantz, Brian Lemke, Little Man Sica and Joe Black. Notables who survived the first day included Paul Darden, Charley Hook, Paul Volpe and Joe Wertz. And then there were those who weren’t even listed on the notable list yet who were even more notable than many of the notables. Lee Childs and Ryan D’Angelo for example, both of whom are nearing the 2 million dollar mark in live tournaments. I was excited just to be listed among the group, not that I didn’t think I was as good as any of them (poker players including myself always think they are much better than they really are) but as a cash game player I did not have a tournament history that would match up to most of them. I played my usual game of avoiding play against big stacks and it was small-time give and take for me until after the dinner break. My buddy Frankie Fed (we play in the same home game and I eat at his restaurant - “Frankie Fed’s” believe it or not) had been moved to my table and he had a pretty big stack. Frankie is a shoot from the hip gambler and while in the long run that can be a good thing for a solid player, Frankie could swing for the fences and knock anyone out of a tournament. I looked down at pocket 6s and raised, called by the button and by Frankie in the big blind. I smiled inside (and hopefully not outside) as the rainbow flop came J-6-2. Frankie checked and I made a pot sized bet hoping that someone had a jack. The button folded and I bit my lip to contain my excitement as Frankie donned his shades, a huge tell that I was aware of whenever he had a strong hand. After pushing a bunch of chips around he raised an amount which my experience with him led me to believe he wanted a call. I did not fear pocket jacks because Frankie would surely have reraised preflop. His range of hands to me was A-J to J-6 or J-2 or 6-2 suited. So I flat called. The turn was a 7 and Frankie bet out significantly. Again I flat called. Having played against him for years I knew that no matter what fell he was normally a three street bettor once that train started rolling. A 10 fell on the river and to my amazement Frankie checked. I could not play the hand any slower and it was time to push the rest of my chips into the pot. Frankie lowered his shades and stared at me. “I can’t lay this hand down Marvelous.” (yes he calls me Marvelous). “I have a set.” And in went the chips and over turned the pocket deuces and thank you Frankie!!! And Day1B ended and the chip leader for the day had 333,300 and I had 78,000 but I had a seat for Day 2 and that’s all that really mattered. When Day 2 arrived I found myself at a table with Paul Darden, Charlie Hook. Jason Paster and Paul Volpe among others. The table was rock solid, and since I was card dead for the first 2 hours it looked like an early Day 2 exit for me. And then I heard the words “who is the next big blind here?” It was me and to my utter joy that meant I was moving to another table and hopefully new life. My new table included Lee Childs and tournament chip leader Brian Lemke who had now amassed more than a half million chips. But the cards started falling better and my stack began to slowly grow. And as it grew others did not fare as well. Charley Hook and Jason Paster who remained at my old table were knocked out as were other notables including Matt Glantz. Shrinkage was taking place and tables were breaking and by dinner break there were 29 players left. After the dinner break I found myself at about 100k in chips, less than half the chip average for the remaining players. I continued my strategy of mucking when I could and playing when I had to but as more players dropped to the rail I found myself in a similar position to one I was in at the main event last year when I scratched and clawed and finished 20th in a tournament of 18 payouts. DE JA VU!!!! 19 players left in a tournament of 18 payouts and with 46k I was the short stack. I waited patiently for a spot at which to shove and when I looked down at K-10 of diamonds in the cutoff I knew that my time had come. Everyone mucked around to me and I pushed the anemic stack forward. The button was also fairly shortstacked and it looked as if his muck was reluctant. And then it was up to the small blind, who with 70k in chips was also extremely shortstacked. He fingered his chips as I prayed silently to the poker gods for him to muck. While waiting I glanced at Paul Volpe who was in the big blind. Paul is a very successful and aggressive young player who had essentially been controlling the pace of the table to that point. We locked eyes and he shook his head as if to tell me that I had chosen a bad time to shove. Clearly Paul had a big hand. The small blind continued to fidget and then counted out 46k and pushed the stack forward, leaving himself with a little over 20k, and the play was now Paul’s who announced that he was all-in, forcing the small blind to make a decision, and causing him to call for the floor. Pointing to my stack he asked “If we are both knocked out who finishes 18th (in the money)?” I already knew the answer which was confirmed when the floor supervisor stated that whoever started the hand with more chips would finish 18th. Satisfied with that response the small blind compounded his alread huge tactical error of calling in the first place, with a call to the all-in. Paul turned up pocket 9s which was somewhat of a relief to me since I had two overs and was in a race with him and incredibly the small blind turned up J-10 suited a terrible hand to play in this situation. When a king hit the flop and no help came to anyone else I tripled up, the small blind was knocked out of the tournament and the celebrations began as everyone who remained was in the money. Despite the fact that I was still shortstacked I decided to let the other shortstacks start a shove-fest and play rope-a-dope so that I might try to move up the payout ladder. And it worked as the remaining players began to fall by the wayside. Volpe finished 14th, “Miami” John Cernuto finished 13th and suddenly play was halted as we had reached the final table of 10 players. By chip count I was in 6th place and since it was 2 AM they were sending us home for the evening to rest and start fresh the following afternoon. I did not get much sleep that night but then again I don’t sleep much anyway. At 2 PM the following afternoon I took a good look at the final table. To my left was Lee Childs who finished 4th in the 2007 World Series of Poker and whose lifetime winnings exceeded 1.6 million. To my right was Ryan D’Angelo whose lifetime winnings were approximately 2 million. Brian Lemke, lifetime winnings 1.1 million was a few seats to my left and there wasn’t a slouch in the rest of the crew either. Since I rarely play tournaments I could not compete statistically with these guys. But I knew that I could compete poker-wise. The tournament supervisor ordered the “shuffle up and deal,” and the ten of us were on our way. And then there were 9. And I played a game which I knew was giving me a tight-weak table image but that was fine. I felt that when I wanted to make a move I could do so with impunity although in the meantime my tight play was draining my stack through blind attrition. Finally being near the bottom in chip counts and being card dead for a couple of hours I knew I had to make a move. Joe Wertz was the button and min-raised my big blind. The small blind mucked and I looked down to see K-3 of diamonds. I called the min-raise made by the very aggressive Wertz and the flop came J-4-4, all black. I checked the flop and Wertz made a pot-sized bet of 125,000. I had about a half-million in chips and knew that it was unlikely Wertz had an overpair or for that matter any hand worth calling an all-in and so I made the move. To my utter shock he shook his head and said “Wow I guess I have no choice,” calling my bluff and turning over J-5. Frankly I think this was a terrible call against a player with my image. What was he beating except air and I seemed like the type of player who would NEVER bluff with all his chips on the line. In fact when I turned up my hand I could hear a shocked D’Angelo whisper “wow he has cojones.” Now it’s nice to be thought of as a guy who has cojones but I’d rather be thought of as the guy who didn’t bust out on a bluff. When a miracle king hit the turn I got my wish and a stack that may have made me the chip leader. And on we played. When shortstack Lemke shoved and everyone mucked around to me, I reshoved with pocket aces and picked up his stack and before I knew it then there were three, Wertz, Childs and me. Witihin minutes shortstack Childs shoved and I instacalled with A-8 suited. He turned up pocket 4s and an ace on the river sent him to the rail. AND THEN THERE WERE TWO! Unlike the earlier tournament in which my heads-up match lasted three solid hours, this one moved very quickly. It started with Wertz having a 3-1 chip advantage over me and I was now swining for the fences. About twenty minutes into the match I called his 125K raise with K-9 of hearts. The flop came A-3-10 with two hearts giving me the nut flush draw. I checked the flop and Wertz fired out a bet of 150K. I raised to 400K and he quickly called. At that point I did not believe that he had an ace because his style would have been to re-raise me with any ace. For this reason I put him most likely on a pocket pair or a 10 although I did hope he was on a flush draw because if it hit then I would surely double-up. When a king hit the turn I felt very strongly that I now had the best hand as well as the redraw to the nuts and I went all-in for about 1.2 million chips. Just as quickly as on the last street Wertz called and his comment made me think that I was ahead for sure. “I call, do you have an ace?” I confidently turned up my hand and winced as I saw his – K-Q! He called my raise with a gutshot and my huge all-in with second pair (and unfortunately a better kicker than me). When a brick hit the river Wertz scooped up first place money and the trophy. I thought that for the second time he had made a bad call but I could not complain because if it weren’t for his first call I would never have doubled up. I was elated at having done so well in the tournament and for the week. The next World Poker Tour event at the Parx is scheduled for August with the final table televised. Some of the players in my home game have been on televised World Poker Tour final tables and I’d like to do it as well. Those are usually the times when a bad beat sends you to the rail by level 4. Oh well, we’ll see.

Poker and God (is it blasphemous to list God second?)

I once wrote a controversial play about the existence of God and as a result I was invited to Malloy College, a Jesuit school on Long Island to debate the existence of God with (like a bad joke) a Rabbi, a Priest and an Ethical Culturalist. I was last to make opening remarks and in part, these were mine:

"I’ve been invited here to debate the existence of God and I suppose I should begin by telling you my position. Without equivocation I am a believer, an agnostic and an atheist. When my colleagues introduced themselves and their positions they too were unequivocal – although admittedly they each took only one position. So why then do I take three? It’s because unlike my colleagues who failed to define God, I will. If God is love then I am a believer. Love indeed exists. But then God is not omnipotent because if he were then nobody who was loved would ever suffer. If God is nature then I am a believer. Nature indeed exists. But then God is not benevolent because nature strikes cruelly and indifferently. If God is a creator who is benevolent but not omnipotent then I am an agnostic. There is no conclusive evidence and I do not know if such a God exists. If God is a creator who is omnipotent but not benevolent then I am an agnostic. There is no conclusive evidence and I do not know if such a God exists. If God is a creator who is omnipotent and benevolent then I am an atheist. There is overwhelming evidence that such a God cannot exist."

From there the debate raged and at the end it seemed that half of the audience of 500lined up to tell me that they were going to pray for me.

As a devout poker player I recently wondered whether I could find God through poker. Is there a Poker God? What would his powers be? Would he ever be considered for the Justice League of America? Okay well he would have to be a cartoon Poker God for that to happen so let’s not muddy the waters with side issues. I had a mission. Is there a Poker God? But how does one go about seeking the answer? And then like a miracle it occurred to me - a miracle! Nobody can argue with a miracle and I had been running pretty unlucky anyway and so I began to pray “Oh Poker God if you exist show me a miracle. I play regularly in a casino. Let’s consider it hallowed ground and I will be there awaiting your sign.” And then I waited.

I waited for a long time. During that time I had pocket kings six times and each time someone else at the table had pocket aces and I lost. I think the odds of that happening are about 24 to 1 and it happened six times in a row. 24 to the 6th power = 19,110,297. Nineteen million to one is a pretty good sign. But I had to be sure so I continued to wait. And I flopped 31 flush draws and never hit one. I’m not a mathematician but the odds of hitting a flush are roughly 34% or 1 in 3. I would suspect the odds of missing 31 straight times is astronomical. I was starting to see a pattern and I continued to wait. And my opponents who were behind on the turn 17 times but could only win if they hit their flush (roughly 20% or 1 in 5) hit their flush all 17 times another astronomical number. Assuming the latter two situations are simply 1,000,000 to 1, then the combination of the three would mean that I was looking at 19 million x 1 million x 1 million which equals 19,000,000,000,000,000,000 or 19 quintillion. Since there are only 7.5 quintillion grains of sand on earth (you can google) I can only draw one conclusion from the hands I’ve played. – IT’S A MIRACLE! THERE IS INDEED A POKER GOD! yippee

By the way I complained because I raised on the button with AJ and the flop was JJK and someone had king jack costing me my stack, and one of the players who I shall call James (for those of you who know him) said “Gee Marv you must own a vineyard because of all the whine,” and I snapped back “I’ll bet you heard that joke from at least a dozen people” as everyone at the table chuckled. So don’t mess with me.

Goodbye Parx (except maybe for a tourny)

I love the Parx Casino. It is only a forty minute drive for me and I have a lot of friends among the players, dealers and floor people. The poker room is very professionally run and for a while I staked my claim in the high limit room. But now I have been forced to reevaluate and while I am not a superstitious person by nature, I have convinced myself that I cannot win in their cash games. I may be off base but I have also convinced myself that I am blameless and that the fault lies in the fall of the cards and the bad play of others. This is a situation that has been going on for quite some time and recently I have avoided the Parx, giving things an opporunity to settle down. Today I decided to test the waters again. There was no 10-10 game when I arrived so I played 2-5 in a slow grinding game but was ahead a few hundred dollars when they called a 10-10 game. I spoke with my friend Brian who agreed that the field looked soft and we sat down. For the first couple of hours I slowly built my stack further, although I had few playable hands. And then in a half hour period the following three hands sent me from the casino knowing that I should never look back. I lay them out here step by step and would love to know whether any of you poker players disagree with my play, and why.

Hand number one: A new player to the table who I know as being very aggressive raises to 50 and gets a caller. I call with K-9 of clubs on the button. The flop is 9-7-3 with two diamonds. He bets $120 and the other player mucks. What would you do? I called the bet. The turn is a king of diamonds giving me top two pair and putting three diamonds on the board. Again he bets $120. What would you do? I raised to $360 and here is why. He was the preflop raiser with a wide range of possible hands. His having two diamonds would be unlikely. He flat called my raise. I now put him most likely on a hand like A-K or K-Q with a big diamond. The river was a 5 of clubs and he checked. What would you do? I am a big proponent of value betting and with top two pair was confident that I was ahead so I bet 500 and he called, turning up 2-4 of diamonds.

Hand number two: A player raised to $50 and three people called so I called with J-10 offsuit on the button. The flop was J-5-3 with 2 hearts. One of the blinds bet out $100 and three other players called. What would you do? I flat called the hundred. The turn was a 10 of diamonds giving me top two pair. Everyone checked to me. There was over 600 in the pot. What would you do? I bet 600 hoping to end the hand there, strongly believing I had the best hand. The original bettor folded and the kid to his left then went all-in for $1500 followed by an over the top all-in from the aggressive player from hand one. How on earth can you put either one on a set when the flop had two hearts and especially when a blank hit the turn and they both checked? Only a truly bad player would have played a set that way. Unfortunately I ran into a truly bad player with pocket 5s and the only card that could cost me was a non-heart 10.

Hand number 3: The very next round I had pocket kings under the gun. The player to my left had just commented that if he had my luck he would be tilting so when I raised to 50 and he made it 150 I focused on the possibility that he thought I was tilting rather than the possibility that FOR THE SIXTH TIME IN A ROW AT PARX SOMEONE WOULD HAVE POCKET ACES WHEN I HAD POCKET KINGS. Even so my immediate reaction was to slow play the kings but that decision was taken from me when 3 other players called the 150. I had 1200 left and the reraiser had me covered. What would you do? I raised to 750 and he went all in which meant another 450 to me. But before I could call two other players called his all-in for more than 1000 each. Of course I had to call. He turned up his pocket aces and we both lost to a guy who played 7-8 suited when two 7s hit the flop.

My work here (and there) is done!

Response to comment

Sorry I can't figure out how to respond to the previous comment so I'll do it as a new blog. Here is the comment and my response:

"I've heard it posited that poker is a game of skill, not luck. Is it skill when you win and bad luck when you lose?"


Poker is indeed a game of skill infused with an element of chance. It is a game in which mathematical odds and probability play a key role. For example, let’s say that you flop a flush draw and your chances of hitting a flush by the river are about 1 in 3 and if you hit the flush your chances of winning are close to 100%. Good players know that as a general rule if your anticipated return is more than 3 to 1 it is a good play to try to hit the flush, and conversely as a general rule if the return is going to be smaller than 3 to 1, the cards should be mucked. Other factors come into play as well, most importantly who your opponent is. If it is someone who easily folds his cards then a raise may be in order as a semi-bluff (a hand which is the worst hand at the moment but has a chance to significantly improve) If however the opponent is someone difficult to bluff then there is much more of an incentive to stick with the math. Good players understand this. Bad players do not. Bad players often play for the flush when they are assured of not getting at least a 3 to 1 return. This is a recipe for long-term disaster. But let’s go back to the good player. He faces a guarantee of getting 5 to 1 if he hits his 3 to 1 longshot. Any mathematician will tell you that in the long run this is an absolute winner. And so the good player puts his money in with a 34% chance of winning a 60% return. But he loses – and he does it again – and he loses and he does it 5 more times – and loses each time. It is as if he makes a bet that he can flip a coin 10 times and if at least 1 heads lands he wins the bet. He is of course a more than 1000 to 1 favorite – and yet it is conceivable that he could lose in the short run. Call it variance or luck or whatever you wish but for good players who make mathematically and psychologically sound decisions the answer to your question is an emphatic yes.

Complaining

WARNING: This is a blog about complainers by a complainer with complaints

I have always hated complainers at the poker table and yet I now find that I have joined their ranks and I’m at my wits end about it. Usually the guys who complain the most are the weakest players, the guys who bemoan the fact that they spent $800 trying to hit a gutshot straight without success, or who spend a thousand bucks to chase and catch a nine high flush when the board is paired and another player shoves on the river with Kings full.

In my case I am convinced that I’m playing well and am simply the victim of continuing horrible luck, bad beats and cooler hands. And yet I stop and wonder whether I am fooling myself. Maybe it’s my fault. To thine own self be true and all that.

And when my loving and supportive wife (who knows nothing about poker) faithfully listens to me rant and then says “are you sure you aren’t playing differently or something?” I have to reflect and wonder whether she may be right.

This year I have played in a few different venues - home games and casinos, and I find that it has become impossible for me to win in my favorite casino where I aver that the laws of mathematics have taken a sabbatical. No matter how much one might love a particular poker venue, if it becomes impossible to win in that venue there has to come a point where you move on. I fear that I have reached that point.

Tonight I was at that casino and decided to take contemporaneous notes in the event that the roof caved in once again. Rather than complain, I am going to simply list the facts as follows:

Hand number 1 – I have pocket kings on the button. The last three times I had pocket kings in this casino someone else at the table had pocket aces. Another player raises to $50 and I reraise to $180. He flat calls and we play heads-up. The player bets out 300 to a flop of 9-5-2 with two clubs and I shove. He calls and turns up – guess what – pocket aces.

Hand number 2 – Seven way limp pot I play 3-4 of diamonds in the cutoff . Flop is 2-5-6 with two diamonds. One player bets out $80 and I make it $240. He shrugs and shoves all-in which of course I snap call. The turn is a queen of diamonds and the river a black jack. The player turns up the nut flush.

Hand number 3 – I play King of diamonds/Queen of hearts in a six way limp pot. The flop is A-J-!0 with two diamonds giving me Broadway. By the time the betting and raising is done there are three of us in the hand and just about all of our money in the pot. The turn is the Queen of diamonds putting three diamonds on board but giving me the nut flush (royal flush) redraw. We all check the turn. The river is a blank and when one player bets $1000 and the other snap-calls I muck my straight. Both other players reveal that they hit the flush.

Now before I get to the coup de grace I need to set the stage. I had been sitting in the one seat which was pretty much a dead seat and when Dave Limo showed up I moved to the five seat and he took the one seat. Dave and I play in the same home game, and we are competitive –AND WE DON’T EVEN CHOP WITH EACH OTHER! Dave had essentially played all the previous night and he kept dozing at the table. This brings us to


Hand number 4 - On the button I look down to see two red queens. Dave and the guy to his left limp in for $10 and I raise to $60. Everyone mucks around to Dave who now has his eyes closed as he dreams of cherry blossoms or whatever. The dealer pokes him and says “there’s a raise to $60” prompting Dave's eyes to pop wide open as he grabs an additional five peach chips, tosses them into the pot and then settles his chin back onto his hands allowing his eyes to close once more. The player to his left remarks “okay I guess you dragged me in,” and matches the bet.

The flop is 10-8-3 rainbow and when the dealer says "Dave it's on you," his eyes slowly open and he checks. The player to his left then bets $300 into the $180 pot. He has about $700 behind him so I shove my remaining $1500 in and to my utter surprise and dismay Dave looks at his hole cards and pushes his chips into the pot. The player to his left appears to be as surprised as I am, shows his Ace-10 and mucks. I stare with glazed-over eyes as Dave turns up 10-8 offsuit and sends me packing. He quickly pulls in the pot and settles back into dreamland as I contemplate throwing a chair so that they might forcibly remove me. Instead, dignity intact, baseball cap slanted in Bowery Boy fashion, I take a swig of my water, spilling some on the table - oops - and take the long escalator ride to oblivion once again..

Thank you for letting me get this of my chest and now I’m going to try some of that dreamland stuff, helped by some of this alcohol stuff.

The Unknown Poker Blog

I know this is supposed to be a poker blog and I’ll get to poker in a bit, but right now I want to talk about movies. I am a huge fan of the Liam Neeson movie Taken. It is one of just a few movies I will watch over and over if I happen to run across it while channel surfing (the others being My Cousin Vinny, Working Girl and Prelude to a Kiss).

So when I saw the trailer for Unknown I was pretty excited. It looked like a Taken kind of movie - BUT IT WASN’T! It was a movie that was probably constructed around an intriguing idea and some inviting trailer scenettes (my word for portions of scenes) for the purpose of luring Taken fans into a potentially bedbug infested theatre under false pretenses.

If you haven’t yet seen Unknown but intend to, then perhaps you should skip down to the poker portion of this blog because I may inadvertently – or advertently - reveal some spoilers. But for those of you who have seen the movie some of what I say may cause you to think critically. (By the way, my wife thinks I’m being ridiculous because it is simply entertainment and for two-thirds of the movie I will admit to having been entertained. Yet I have written a bunch of screenplays and she knows I get very troubled by inconsistent writing – and even more so by stories that paint themselves into a corner and then paint a cartoon door by which to escape).

So where do we begin? Okay let’s start with something that occurs in Unknown as well as many other movies and drives me craaaazy. Someone is out to kill the hero. In this case some mysterious person or group is out to kill the Liam Neeson character (whom I will refer to as Neeson from this point on for brevity’s sake). At one point he is dazed and strapped to a gurney in a hospital. In order to get to Neeson an assassin kills an orderly and a nurse by simply snapping their necks. And now of course he is alone with Neeson. So what does he do? Does he simply snap Neeson’s neck as well. No of course not. Instead for some unexplained – and unexplainable – reason he shoots some liquid into Neeson’s I.V. allowing Neeson a chance to pull out the I.V. and survive. Why why why not just kill him quickly and leave? My wife’s response was “well if he did that there wouldn’t be a movie.” OH MY GOD WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

I’ll move on before I have a stroke. Okay let’s talk about another conceit of the movie. It turns out that Neeson is an assassin who, along with another assassin pretending to be his wife, has travelled to Germany to do what assassins do, assassinate someone. Unfortunately Neeson is the victim of a car accident rendering him an amnesiac unable to finish the job. But not to worry because the freaking assassination people have trained a backup IN ADVANCE to step into Neeson’s shoes just in case he were involved in a car accident rendering him an amnesiac. Luckily it was Neeson in the accident and not his fake wife because apparently they never bothered to train a fake wife backup.

And in one ultra-incredible scene both Neeson and the backup Neeson are trying to convince the target of the assassination that they are the real Neeson and are actually speaking the same exact words at the same exact moment like a couple of Doublemint twins.

Am I the only person who finds this ludicrous? Am I the only person who questions why everything else that Cinderella had turned to junk at midnight but the glass slipper remained a glass slipper till the end of the story?

Let’s move on for a moment to the accident. Neeson is in a taxi being driven by a beautiful young woman. Do we know instantaneously that she will have much more of a role in this story than just as his taxi driver? Even my wife admits to knowing that, and believe me she is not making my review easy. And thank God this beautiful taxi driver also happens to be an Olympic swimmer/diver/rescuer who is able to work effortlessly underwater to save an unconscious Neeson or else – yes you guessed it – THERE WOULDN’T BE A MOVIE.

Of course the cab itself drowns but not to worry about that either because an hour later THE EXACT SAME CAB (WITH THE EXACT SAME CAB NUMBER) is resurrected. Couldn’t the producers have sprung for another cab or at least changed the cab number?

Anyway, luckily for Neeson, late in the movie he regains his memory and recalls that he is an assassin whose profession it is to kill people. He certainly seems like a reliable, dedicated sort and yet as soon as he remembers everything he immediately sets out to thwart the assassination plan . WHY WHY WHY? I know – because if he didn’t.. etc etc etc.

This leaves one last “why” question. Why did I write this review? I’ll tell you why.

BECAUSE I DON’T LIKE WRITERS WHO TRICK PEOPLE BY LEADING THEM TO THINK THERE IS A REASONABLE ENDING WHEN THERE ISN’T. IT’S DECEITFUL TO LEAD PEOPLE ALONG LIKE THAT.

Oh by the way, there is no poker part to end the blog today. I just said there was in order to lead you along to get you to read the movie part. I hope you aren’t in some bedbug infested place as you read this.