Baaaaaaad Beeeeeeeats

I’m sorry for the delay in writing this next blog but every time I log on to the computer I end up playing poker online. I’m only here now because a bad beat reminded me that I need to stop every now and then. Of course we all have bad beat stories but since this is my blog you’ll have to listen to three of mine, one that I won and two that I lost. (I do believe that for every bad beat I win there are two that I lose). About three years ago I was playing in my regular home game which was a pretty big cash game and doing fairly well for the evening when I peeked down at my cards and lo and behold two gentlemen were peeking back at me. (I don’t really say lo and behold, nor do I call them gentlemen but this blog thing is show biz so I’m taking pokeretic license. And by the way I don’t really think that playing cards can look back at you but then again who knows). So anyway of course pocket kings is the second best starting hand and I was about to push in a sizeable raise when Al Cigar beat me to the punch. Okay, fine but there were three players behind me and I couldn’t let them see a flop so of course I re-raised, and this was met with muck, muck, mu-ALL-IN. ALL-IN? Who was this maniac? Since he was and is a friend of mine – and since he is one of the few people I play poker with who doesn’t have a nickname (someone suggested Shrek but it didn’t stick) I will call him “Nameless” although I have told the story so many times that probably people in Iowa know who he is, and sometimes other players who have memorized my tale just echo along with me when I retell it to a new player.

So anyway his ALL-IN was for a VERY considerable amount of money although I had him covered, and each of us had Al Cigar (who instantly called the all-in) well covered. This left me with a three-pronged dilemma. First, what were the odds that one of them had pocket aces, second would I be getting the right price to call if indeed either had pocket aces, and third what were the chances that Nameless would push all-in over the top of my raise with less than pocket aces.

Okay so let’s deal with part one first. Some of you are going to find this very hard to believe but the odds in a nine handed game of another player having pocket aces if you have pocket kings is only about 26 to 1.

Knowing this, I moved quickly to the second part of my dilemma, and concluded that I would be getting the right price to call if Al Cigar had pocket aces, and I would not be getting the right price if Nameless had them. (I also discounted the likelihood that both of them had pocket aces although that was certainly possible as well. In fact I was recently involved in a hand where two players had pocket aces and one had pocket kings. A king on the river spelled disaster for the other two guys. Poker is a very funny – not as in amusing - game).

This brought me to the third issue which I needed to resolve and I began by considering the range of hands with which Nameless might push a considerable amount of money into the middle of the table. Now if it were some of the other players at the table I would have insta-mucked. But Nameless was a super aggressive guy who always did a lot of bullying (not unlike myself) and he knew that I could re-raise with a somewhat marginal hand. So I became suspicious of some triple reverse psychology at work. Coupling this with my knowledge that Al Cigar would only call the all-in with QQ, KK, AK, or AA, this narrowed the possibility in my mind that Nameless actually held pocket aces. (Okay and one other thing. Whenever I really want to call a big raise, I decide that the raiser has a slightly worse hand than I do).

So I called and as Al Cigar turned up QQ I felt that sinking feeling - and not without just cause as Nameless proudly slammed his pocket rockets to the felt. I was a 4 ½ to 1 underdog and as was pretty standard in that game we all agreed to run the board twice. For those of you unfamiliar with this process, the dealer turns the entire board two times and whoever wins each run wins half the pot. This does not change the actual odds of winning but it does affect the variance. In the most unlikely circumstance I hit a king on the turn the first run and a king on the river the second run. Without saying a word, Nameless stood up and walked out the door. He was gone for about 10 minutes when my cell phone rang. I answered and it was him. “F**k you you mother f**ker!” To be honest I couldn’t help but laugh, and a few minutes later he returned to the game a lot poorer but with a great story to share some day with his grandchildren. (Actually over the years I have been the only one to tell the story while he squirms uncomfortably in his seat).

It would seem impossible that anyone could take a beat as bad or worse than that but trust me I have on at least two recent occasions. In the first instance only a few months ago in my home game an almost identical situation arose. I had pocket aces this time and by a strange coincidence Nameless was in the hand again, only this time he played the Al Cigar role. I raised, he reraised, and around it went to the Taco Man who smooth-called. At that point I had no choice but to push all-in. Nameless folded and Taco went into the tank for a long time before making a terrible call (in my hindsight opinion of course) with pocket jacks. Again we ran it twice and he hit a jack the first run and a jack the second. Clearly the laws of mathematics had ceased to exist.

But the worst is yet to come. It was another home game, this one a rather large oneas well, at the home of a poker-playing endodontist. Calling a pre-flop raise with pocket 4s I was thrilled with the flop of 7-4-2 rainbow. I bet the flop and the original raiser smooth called. The turn was a seemingly harmless 10. I made a large bet at that point and my opponent instantly pushed all-in. I was indeed worried about him having pocket 7s or pocket 10s but I made the call and was quite relieved when he turned up pocket queens. One card to go and we were running it twice. That’s the kind of insurance I like. I’m sure by now you can guess the result. Queen on the first run, queen on the second run. If it wasn’t for luck I would never lo.. oh wait, somebody else already used that line.

When you play a lot of poker you take a lot of bad beats. (Although you will also be on the winning end of a lot of bad beats I think that most players remember the hands they lost much more clearly than the hands they won). The most important thing to remember though after taking a bad beat is to retain your composure and not tilt. (Okay those of you who play regularly with me can take a moment to laugh. …. Done yet? Not yet? … Well I have to finish this blog so I can’t wait any longer). The bottom line is that you have to do your best to get your money in as a favorite and after that it is out of your hands. And believe me, when it comes to taking bad beats you are not alone. So if it is true that misery loves company, then poker is a game of true love.

On that note, I think that it’s time to return to the virtual felt. Thank you for reading this blog and If we play against each other may you tilt like the Leaning Tower of Pisa.