I’m writing this one for me. It’s not going to be interesting (not that any of my other blogs are) and it’s not going to be insightful (ntaomoba). It’s just going to be cathartic for me because when I realized that this was likely to be a disastrous day (I call it the real D-DAY) I started taking notes on my hands – well not ON my hands – on paper ABOUT my hands.

Some days you can just sort of tell that no matter how well you play you are destined to lose. This was one of those days. It doesn’t mean that you give up hope, it simply means that you continue to try to do your best not to start screaming and throwing cards at the dealer as you pray that the laws of mathematics kick in. They rarely do on days like this but if you’re going to pray for anything then you might as well pray for the laws of mathematics. After all, what could be more important in the universe than the laws of mathematics – and by extension the laws of physics – because without these laws our ipods would be too large to carry around.

If you are now thinking to yourself what the hell is he talking about, then you can see the effect D-DAY has on a stressed out poker player.

It’s a 2-5 no-limit game and for hand number one I sit down into the big blind and am greeted by pocket aces. Six limpers in front of me so I raise to 55. One caller to a flop of 9-3-3. Does he have 9-9? No! Does he have 3-3? No! He has 9-3 suited. 9-3 9-3
9-3!!!!! Rebuy.

Next big hand I limp with A-6 suited. The flop is A-A-6. Another player bets and I smooth-call. The turn is a 2. The other player makes a large bet and again I smooth-call. The river is a 7 and the other player goes all-in. Would Stu Ungar fold? Would Doyle Brunson fold? Would anyone who has ever held a chip in his hand fold?????? Of course not. I suppose you’ve guessed by now that the lucky b**tard (bastard for those of you who can’t read stars) held A7.

I’m getting tired (maybe because I’ve been playing online since I walked through the door) so I will summarize a bit. Five times I had big pocket pairs and five times players with small pairs flopped sets. Twice I flopped flushes (both times limping with Q-10 suited) and twice I was NEVER in the lead.

Twice I had pocket jacks on the button when everyone else folded to me and both times the big blind had pocket kings.

When Rod the floor guy approached and asked me if I wanted to lock up a seat in the big game that was starting I responded “sure if I have any chips left by the time it starts.” After the following hand I did not have any chips left. Ok I’m done. I hope you didn’t read this far. If you did I’m sorry for the abrupt ending. I warned you.